Festive Fun

The Christmas holidays wouldn't be joyous and festive without a bit of laughter and fun, and I know everyone loves a giggle. I've gathered together the traditional question/answer jokes and also some short funny stories to tickle everyone! Enjoy:

Christmas Jokes

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in the chimney?

Claustrophobia.

How does the snowman get to work?

By icicle.

What do you get if you cross Santa Clause with a duck?

a Christmas quacker.

What carol is heard in the desert?

Oh camel ye faithful!

What athlete is the warmest at Christmas?

A long jumper.

What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?

You get tinsel-itus.

What do you get if you cross Santa Clause with a detective?

Santa Clues

Funny Short Stories

Santa's Grotto

The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him and asked 'What do you want for Christmas?' 'Something for my mother, please,' replied young lady sweetly. 'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?' Without pausing, the lady answered quickly, 'A millionaire son-in-law.'

Santa's Bad Day

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

- The Chatty Pig (www.freshersfoods.com)

Perfect Christmas Day Recipe

Stuck for new ideas this Christmas?

Well I've gone and done the hard work for you and discovered a tasty recipe that is Christmassy but also has a unique twist. Introducing The Slow Roasted Leg of Pork with Spicy Pork Scratchings. The recipe is Jamie Oliver inspired with a Freshers Foods twist.

Not only will this recipe feed the whole family and more (enough for 10 people), it will also let you get on with the things you really want to be doing at Christmas, such as watching the all time favourite Christmas films - Home Alone, Love Actually, The Grinch (to name a few), as well as listening to the traditional Christmas carols and top hits - it wouldn't be Christmas without Mariah Carey now would it?

I hope you enjoy this recipe and have a very Merry Christmas!! 

Slow-Roasted Leg of Pork with Spicy Pork Scratchings

Ingredients:

·         1 leg of pork

·         3 tbs of fennel seeds

·         3 tbs coriander seeds

·         Pinch of dried chilli pepper flakes

·         1 bulb garlic (skin left on)

·         1 handful of fresh sage

·         1 handful of fresh rosemary

·         Sea salt & freshly ground black pepper

·         Extra virgin olive oil

·         3 packets of Pub Original Hellishly Hot Pork Crunch

 

Method:

·         Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C/gas 7).

·         Make crisscross incisions all over the pork, on both sides.

·         In a pestle and mortar, crush the fennel and coriander seeds with a good pinch of salt. Sprinkle over both sides of the pork, and finish off with a grinding of black pepper.

·         Place the pork and garlic cloves in a roasting tray. Cover with a few good lugs of extra-virgin olive oil.

·         Next, place the sage and rosemary in a pestle and mortar and gently crush together until they are lightly bruised and have released their flavors. Add 4 tablespoons of olive oil to the mix and squeeze the flavored oil over the pork and rub the herbs all over it.

·         Turn the oven down to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C/gas 6) and cook for about 4 to 4.5 hours.

·         Just before serving, crush the Hellishly Hot Crunch and drizzle over the pork and cook in the oven for 5 minutes. 

·         Serve with roast potatoes and your choice of vegetables and condiments.

- The Chatty Pig (www.freshersfoods.com)

‘Pork Scratchings are my favourite snack in the world’

Pork scratchings, pork rind, pork crackling, los chicharrones, whatever you want to call them, are the tasty little snacks that have the whole world talking. Celebrities, Al Murray, Matthew Wright and Chris Evans are among the masses of fans that love the traditional British bar snack.

Although Nicole Scherzinger wasn’t too impressed with the pork snack when X Factor finalist, James Arthur, offered her some, other female celebrities such as, R&B singer Beyonce and supermodel Kate Moss, have admitted that they love the British snack, pork scratchings. Cameron Diaz stated that she loves them and that pork scratching are her favourite snack in the whole world! – Glad to hear it Cameron, maybe you would like one of Freshers Foods Pub Original T-shirts? 

Girls always think their mates are Fit
but when you meet them they
look like a Pork Scratching
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- The Chatty Pig (www.freshersfoods.com)

Let the Pork see the Scratching
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